The geek critic

random thoughts of a four-eyed genius

eating for amnesia

… because too much food makes your head spin. If you eat this food a lot and you think you’re full of it but you still go on and take it would you gag and vomit?

I am not really talking about gourmet here, but our daily food for living: God’s love, words and grace.

I might have been taking too much lately. Or maybe I’m too much bathing in it. Recently all I can think of is this kind of food–everything I do I use God, I do everything for God, all I think of is to be worthy of His grace.

I think I’m too much preoccupied with it, too much that I forgot a major assignment I should have done earlier this week because today is this assignment’s deadline.

My only class today, Wednesday's, is Journalism 122… my only major subject this semester (the other journalism subjects are electives) and the hardest.

I can also say it has the least worth for me. Maybe because of the professor.

I don’t like how she handles this subject, and I don’t like her syllabus at all. The course should be about design and layout (the last time I checked my checklist, it still is) and all this professor teaches us is the history of the Internet, of the computer, of printing presses, and all other mundane stuff not really connected to designing pages.

Who cares if there are four stages in the computing revolution? Who cares if the invention of the integrated circuit ushered the computer age? Computer engineers maybe… but not budding journalists and page designers like me. What does microchips have to do with page design?

I should have chosen the other female professor teaching this subject instead of this one I have now. Last time I heard, her students are producing at least one design output weekly, be it a newsletter, a brochure, or a magazine. Our class under my professor, meanwhile, produces nothing. We learn no design.

I don’t understand how she can’t pinpoint what the subject should be about! In fact, the head of the department had to argue with her (so she ranted in front of our class) so she would change our final output requirement to newspaper page design. She initially planned that we would design a news website in the finals, a decision I can’t grasp, considering the subject is about newspaper page design which should be printed. Can’t she just leave website design with the Journalism 117 subject (Online Journalism) and focus instead on print design?

Then she had the gall to give an assignment over the holidays without even telling us in front of the class (she had been absent before the break). So I didn’t know about it until Friday last week, when a girl from the Saturday section ask me about design errors in a page she was holding. It crossed my mind then that maybe we have an assignment, but then I thought maybe the assignment was only for the Saturday section.

I know I should have done it, but I keep on forgetting I should. The times when I remember it I was too preoccupied with God that I instantly forget it again. I may be in Church, or I may be praying or the Holy Mass may be going on.

Then I spent yesterday in Kapuluan praying in the oratory for one hour and then talking to some people there, then taking my first basic course. The thought of the assignment never came up in my head at all.

So maybe too much preoccupation with God makes me forget things. Yesterday’s key question in the basic course is if I love God with all my mind. I think I do, but I think if I continue doing it I go on and forget things.

I had never been forgetful. In fact, I never had a planner in my life, and I never write down any assignment and any deadline. My memory works hard for me and I remember everything for me to do it on time.

I think I don’t have much time in my hands. I never procrastinate (extremely) and I spent my holiday writing papers. But now I think the Sacraments are filling my day. I had even written a daily schedule for myself, an act that I have never done in my life. I did so I could go to Mass daily, so I won’t miss the basics course every Tuesday, so I could chat with my mentor every Friday, and so I could go to meditation every Saturdays/recollection every first Saturday of each month.

See the weekly tasks I have to take? Not to mention that my free time has been taken up by reading holy books, praying silently or thinking about who I can bring with me to the center.

I belive these activities make me happy. They did in the past, and saved me from eternal depression. Notwithstanding that everytime that I’m in the center I am filled with joy, or that everytime I talk to my mentor/the director/my spiritual director, all fears and anxieties are blown away.

So should I stay in the center forever, or should I be with these guys for life? Not really. I have a life to live and I have a job to do.

I don’t blame God. It may sound like I’m saying the cause of my recent forgetfulness is His name, but I’m really not. I am constantly praying for His presence to stay with me so He could guide me.

I think I should find a way to sanctify my life further. Through this I won’t forget anything else for God would will everything to me.

Or maybe I just need to get a planner.

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Post Script: The professor was absent today, so I still could pass the assignment next week. God really works wonders.

posted by: mvching at 05:41 | link | comments (1) |
religion

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